The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
