Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
