I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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