You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
