i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
