In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
