How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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