i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
