are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
