I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
