I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
