Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
