I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
false alarm. still invincible.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
