I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
