i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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