Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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