dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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