This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
