I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
