She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
