you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
