nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
