I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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