As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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