Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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