so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
and she was petting her beer can
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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