Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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