I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
