My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
