ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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