i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
