We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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