Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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