The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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