Got a toothbrush?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
