i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
