That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
