Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
