hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
