the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
