Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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