we have officially lost it.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
