just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
