You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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