More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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