I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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