Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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