dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
