I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
