I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
