Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
