ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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