this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
