I faked an abortion last night.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
