So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
