I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
