I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
